To reiterate what I said at the end of the previous article, the best way to learn scene structure is to pull apart published novels and analyze the purpose behind each of its segments. And that’s just what we’ll be doing in the last two parts of this series.
I’m starting with R. L. Stein’s The Haunted Mask because it is a straightforward plot-based story that is very light on character development and theme. It also contains no subplots, which will help keep our first analysis nice and simple.
All right, let’s get started!
Segments 1–5
As many stories do, The Haunted Mask begins with a series of NPB segments. That is, the opening segments do not portray our protagonist, Carly Beth, working toward accomplishing a specific goal. Instead, these segments provide setup and clarify the motivation behind Carly Beth’s initial story-level goal, which she forms in Segment 6.
Segment 1
Carly Beth is eating lunch at the school cafeteria with her best friend, Sabrina. Through their dialogue, it is established that Carly Beth is a scaredy cat. We are also told that Carly Beth wishes her face was a little different—she wishes she looked older and had a longer nose.
This background information about Carly Beth is important for getting the reader acquainted with the protagonist and establishing her main character flaw (she is very easily scared).
Segment 2
We’re introduced to Chuck and Steve, who get more of a kick than anyone out of scaring Carly Beth. Every time they scare her, Carly Beth threatens to pay them back, but she can never think of anything “good enough.” In the current instance, they humiliate Carly Beth by tricking her into eating a sandwich with a worm in it. As Carly Beth runs away, she vows to herself, “I’ll pay them back. I really will.”
Carly Beth’s vow to pay Chuck and Steve back for their tricks might seem like Carly Beth’s initial decision, which would then lead to her first goal, and we could then start the main plot. However, that’s not the case here. A very similar vow is made when the main plot properly gets going in Segment 6. This segment simply sets up the decision made in Segment 6.
Segment 3
Carly Beth hurries home after school, still embarrassed about what happened at lunch. Her mom shows Carly Beth the plaster-of-Paris head she made in her art class at the museum. It looks just like Carly Beth.
At first, this segment appears to have nothing to do with the plot, but the plaster-of-Paris head becomes a key prop as the story unfolds, which is why the author pulls the reader’s focus toward it here. Specifically, the mom says she made the head because she loves Carly Beth, which sets up the decision element in Scene 5.
Segment 4
Carly Beth goes to her room to check out the duck costume her mom made her for Hallowe’en. But she doesn’t want to be a duck—she wants to wear the really scary mask she saw at the party store that opened recently (setting up the goal of Scene 1). When Carly Beth gets to her room, the duck costume attacks her, and she gets very scared. But then she realizes it’s just her little brother Noah in there. Once Carly Beth gets Noah off of her, the phone rings.
Noah’s actions might feel like needless conflict, but they reinforce Carly Beth’s flaw and provide the rationale for her decision at the end of Scene 2.
Segment 5
It’s Sabrina on the phone. She reminds Carly Beth that they have to finish their project for the science fair tomorrow (providing context for Segment 6). Carly Beth expresses how angry Chuck and Steve made her, and she vows to never scream or get frightened again (decision).
Normally, you wouldn’t want to use NPB segments to create a plot-driving decision, as this would make the story feel like it’s being made up on the fly. However, it’s perfectly fine to do this if you’re creating the protagonist’s very first decision to get the plot rolling.
Scene 1 (Segment 6)
In the school auditorium, Carly Beth and Sabrina are preparing to present their science fair project. Suddenly, Steve’s voice calls out, “Where’s my tarantula?”
Carly Beth tells herself she’s not going to get scared (this goal is implied based on her decision from the previous segment). However, she’s terrified of tarantulas (conflict). When she feels something pinch her leg, she emits “a shrill scream of terror that rang out through the auditorium” (outcome).
Humiliated, Carly Beth runs away. The humiliation is then replaced by anger and a thirst for vengeance (reaction). The scene ends with:
I’m going to pay Steve and Chuck back, she vowed angrily, her sneakers thudding loudly up the concrete aisle. I’m going to scare them, REALLY scare them!
But how? (dilemma).
The decision element of this scene is implied, as Carly Beth makes her decision off the page sometime between Segments 6 and 7. Specifically, she decides to go to the new party store after school and pick out the ugliest, most disgusting, scariest mask they have. The earlier mention of the mask in Segment 4 comes in handy here, as it prevents this decision from feeling completely random.
From this, we can also assume that Carly Beth’s story-level goal is to scare the daylights out of Chuck and Steve by wearing a gruesome Hallowe’en mask.
Scene 2 (Segments 7–9)
Segment 7
It’s now Hallowe’en, and Carly Beth is on the phone making plans with Sabrina. After getting off the phone, Carly Beth rues that she was unable to go to the party store right after school and get a mask. But she thinks the store might still be open and she should go there to find the scariest mask they have (goal A) and buy it (goal B). She grabs her life savings of $30 and rushes out the door.
It might seem odd that I’ve divided such a simple goal into two parts. I’ve done this because—as we’ll see in the following segments—each one has its own conflict. (Multi-step goals were explained in Part 2 of this series.)
Segment 8
Carly Beth goes to the party store, but when she gets there, it’s closed. Fortunately, the shopkeep is still there, and he lets Carly Beth in to look for a mask.
This constitutes what I call an “inconvenience” (as opposed to an actual conflict). This is not a proper conflict because (a) the problem is quickly resolved, and (b) it’s not even Carly Beth who resolves it.
Once inside the shop, Carly Beth has trouble finding any masks scary enough to really scare Chuck and Steve; moreover, the shopkeep rushes her, reminding her that the shop is technically closed, after all (conflict A). Carly Beth keeps looking around and finds a back room while the shopkeep is distracted by a phone call. Inside the back room, she finds the scariest masks she’s ever seen (outcome A).
The shopkeep finds Carly Beth and says the masks in this room are not for sale (conflict B). Carly Beth pleads with him until he agrees to sell her the mask (outcome B). He warns her she’ll be sorry, foreshadowing the plot twist in Segment 22.
Segment 9
This is a short transitional segment in which Carly Beth runs home, admiring her mask and thinking this will be the best trick-or-treat night ever (reaction). When she’s outside her house, she thinks,
I’ve got to try this mask out on someone…. I’ve got to see just how good it is.
Her brother’s grinning face popped into her mind.
“Noah. of course,” she said aloud. “Noah has really been asking for it” (decision).
We can reason that the dilemma was “Who should I try the mask out on?” But Carly Beth thinks of Noah so quickly that she doesn’t even have time to form this question in her mind. Therefore, we don’t see the dilemma on the page.
Scene 3 (Segments 10–11)
As indicated by the previous scene’s decision, the current scene-level goal is to scare Noah with the mask. This goal is nonstandard in that its outcome doesn’t directly advance the plot—if Carly Beth didn’t have anyone to test the mask out on, it wouldn’t hinder her in any way from achieving her story-level goal of scaring Chuck and Steve.
However, that doesn’t mean this scene is unnecessary or that it’s a pseudo-scene (see Part 2 of this series for a reminder of what a pseudo-scene is). The problem is just with the way the decision and goal are framed.
If I had worked on this novel, I would have suggested connecting Carly Beth’s decision more closely to the story-level goal, as this would have made the current scene feel more closely related to the main plot and less like filler. Perhaps the decision could have been spurred by a moment of doubt:
The mask is definitely scary, she thought. But what if it’s only scary to me because I’m such a scaredy cat? What if it’s not good enough to scare Chuck and Steve?
I’ve got to try this mask out on someone….
Segment 10
Carly Beth goes inside and puts the mask on. There is some foreshadowing that the mask is possessed: when she peeks her head inside Noah’s room and says she’s coming for him, “her voice came out gruff and low. It wasn’t her voice at all!” Furthermore, the hint that the mask is haunted adds tension to a scene that lacks conflict since Noah is scared very easily.
Carly Beth scares the bejesus out of Noah (outcome). But when she tries to take the mask off, she can’t. This causes her to panic a little, but she soon gets the mask off without too much trouble.
Segment 11
After a brief conversation with Noah, Carly Beth goes to her room. She is about 95% gleeful but 5% confused about the voice that came out of her (reaction). The segment ends with the following passage:
I don’t want to just jump out at [Chuck and Steve], Carly Beth thought, playing her fingers over the sharp fangs. That’s too boring.
I want to do something they’ll remember.
Something they’ll never forget.
She ran her hands over the mask’s pointy ears. Suddenly, she had an idea.
Again, we have a dilemma that’s so short that it’s not stated. But we can determine it’s something like, “What’s the best way possible for me to scare Chuck and Steve?”
The decision isn’t stated outright, either. We’re simply told that Carly Beth had an idea, and we’re left to see for ourselves exactly what that idea is based on Carly Beth’s actions in the next scene. (It’s to take the head Carly Beth’s mom made and carry it around on a stick.)
Segments 12–19
We now take a break from the main plot. Quite some time passes before Carly Beth encounters Chuck and Steve, making it impossible for her to enact her plan and attempt to accomplish her goal.
The main purpose of this section is to fulfill the promise of the premise. Based on the book’s cover and description, readers will have started reading this book expecting it to be about a girl who puts on a mask “so terrifying that even her friends are totally freaked out by it” but which “has a surprising effect on Carly Beth, too.” The following segments meet this expectation.
Segment 12
Carly Beth obtains a broom handle, sticks the plaster-of-Paris head on it, and admires the effect in the mirror (clarifying her decision from Segment 11). As she goes for the door, her mom tells her to wait so she can see how Carly Beth looks, expecting her to be wearing the duck costume.
This presents two problems for Carly Beth: her mom’s going to be hurt that she’s not wearing the costume her mom worked so hard on, and she surely won’t permit Carly Beth to use the head as part of her costume. However, these problems are only inconveniences, not conflicts. Carly Beth is “saved by the bell” when the phone rings before her mom appears in the hallway, allowing her an easy escape.
Segment 13
Carly Beth runs to Sabrina’s house. She thinks she sees Chuck and Steve, hides behind a shrub, and jumps out at them. She scares them, but it turns out it was some other kids, whose mother now confronts Carly Beth. Here, we get the strongest bit of foreshadowing yet that the mask is controlling our protagonist:
Normally, Carly Beth would have apologized. She would have explained to the woman that she made a mistake, that she meant to scare two different boys.
But hidden behind the ugly mask, still hearing the strange howl that had burst so unexpectedly from her throat, she didn’t feel like apologizing.
She felt … anger. And she wasn’t sure why.
As the anger boils inside Carly Beth, she has thoughts to the tune of “I’m going to tear this woman apart,” “I’ll chew her to bits,” and “I’ll tear her skin off her bones.” But before there’s any trouble, the two boys drag their mom away so they can go get some candy.
Segment 14
Sabrina yelps when she comes outside and sees Carly Beth, who she doesn’t recognize owing to the mask, again foreshadowing that the mask is taking control of Carly Beth. Once Sabrina realizes it’s Carly Beth behind the mask, she says Chuck and Steve (who they had planned to trick-or-treat with) are running late, so they get started without them.
Segment 15
Sabrina chatters away while Carly Beth internally expresses some concerns to remind the reader about the main plot:
Carly Beth remained quiet. She couldn’t hide her disappointment that Chuck and Steve hadn’t met them as planned.
What if they never catch up to us? She wondered. What if we don’t see them at all?
The whole point of the night, as far as Carly Beth was concerned, was meeting the two boys and scaring the living daylights out of them.
Then, Sabrina touches Carly Beth’s mask and starts asking loads of questions about it. This enrages Carly Beth, and she starts choking Sabrina. When Sabrina steps away, Carly Beth plays it off like it was a joke. But on the inside, she wonders what’s happening to her.
By now, it is very clear that the mask is taking over Carly Beth’s actions. The rest of this section depicts the mask strengthening its hold over her.
Segment 16
Carly Beth scares two young children who answer the door of one of the houses. Then she runs away. Sabrina catches up with Carly Beth and asks why she scared the kids. Carly Beth says the mask made her do it. This is framed as a joke, but we’re also told that “the thought troubled her mind.”
Segment 17
Carly Beth and Sabrina continue trick-or-treating. At another house, they’re given green apples, and Carly Beth throws hers at the house. Sabrina says she’s worried about Carly Beth, that she’s not acting like herself. Carly Beth throws Sabrina’s apple at the house, too, and they run.
Segment 18
Carly Beth scans the street for Chuck and Steve, but they’re nowhere to be found (another reminder of the main plot). Then, she suggests she and Sabrina split up to get more candy; she takes off before Sabrina can agree or disagree.
Scene 4 (which is coming up shortly) works best if Carly Beth is alone, so it makes sense for the author to split her and Sabrina up here. However, the reason given for this is a little sloppy. They wouldn’t get more candy by splitting up. But since it’s such a small detail, it doesn’t ruin the novel.
Segment 19
Carly Beth is at the end of the block a few minutes after she split away from Sabrina. She scares a group of four young trick-or-treaters and steals one of their sacks of candy. The end of the chapter signals that the shenanigans are over, and it’s time to return to the main plot:
She felt good, really good. Really strong. And ready for more fun.
Come on, Chuck and Steve, she thought. It’s YOUR turn next!
Scene 4 (Segments 20–23)
This scene is more complicated than the others. It falls into the category of a scene where the second part of the outcome is delayed (see Part 2 of this series for a full explanation of this kind of scene).
Segment 20
A few minutes later, Carly Beth finds Chuck and Steve standing in someone’s driveway, examining the contents of their trick-or-treat bags. Now that her targets are finally in sight, we’re back on track with the story-level goal of scaring Chuck and Steve (which is now also the immediate scene-level goal). Carly Beth crouches behind a shrub and waits as Chuck and Steve walk toward her.
There is a hint of internal conflict, as Carly Beth second-guesses her decision to scare Chuck and Steve, and she almost talks herself out of it. But then she feels a surge of anger and jumps out at them and screams. And it works—she scares them good (initial outcome).
Carly Beth threatens Chuck and Steve and tries to make them give her their candy. But then they see the head move, and it forms the silent words “Help me, help me.” This occurrence sets up the story’s resolution in Segment 26 by indicating that Carly Beth’s true self is somehow trapped inside the head.
Carly Beth drops the stick, and the head rolls under a hedge. The boys drop their candy bags and run off. Carly Beth feels a frenzied glee grow inside of her. They had fled in terror, just like she wanted. But, “for a brief moment, she realized, she had felt the fear, too,” when the head had spoken. She tells herself it was just a trick of the shadows (initial reaction).
Carly Beth wonders where the head went, but decides it’s not important—it has already served its purpose. She then runs blindly until she loses her breath, though it’s not clear why.
Segment 21
This is a transitional segment in which Sabrina finds Carly Beth and they catch each other up on how their nights went as they walk to Sabrina’s house.
Segment 22
This segment takes place at Sabrina’s house, where the two friends empty out their candy bags and assess their loot. When Carly Beth goes to remove her mask, she can’t. Sabrina tries to help but quickly realizes that the mask has become Carly Beth’s face (“but” part of the outcome). Carly Beth goes to the mirror and freaks out, noticing that her eyes aren’t hers anymore. She lets out a cry of horror and despair and then runs out the door (second reaction).
Although Carly Beth never makes a declaration such as “I’ve got to get this mask off,” the context makes it very clear that removing the mask is her new story-level goal, which will carry us through the remainder of the plot.
Segment 23
Carly Beth runs through the streets, though she doesn’t know where to.
As with other scenes, the dilemma is not stated anywhere on the page. However, this time, it’s not because the decision is made quickly; it’s because Carly Beth is in too much of a panic to slow down and think things through. But, again, we can figure out the dilemma question four ourselves (i.e., “What the crap am I gonna do about this mask?”)
This segment (and scene) ends as follows when the party store comes into view:
Of course, she thought. The party store.
The strange man in the cape. He will help me. He will know what to do.
With her decision made to ask the shopkeep for help, Carly Beth jogs toward the store.
Scene 5 (Segments 24–25)
Segment 24
The scene-level goal is to get the shopkeep to remove the mask. But when Carly Beth gets to the store, it’s closed. But, just like the last time the store was closed, this is only an inconvenience. The shopkeep comes to the door and lets Carly Beth in—he had expected her to return. He takes her into the back room and informs her that the mask is not a mask at all; it’s a real face that he made in his lab. He can’t help her take the mask off (outcome).
No conflict is introduced in the current scene because there’s no good conflict that could logically arise. The only possibility would be for the shopkeep to be unwilling to let Carly Beth into the store or speak to her. But that wouldn’t make much sense, as he has no reason to want Carly Beth to stay trapped inside the mask. Moreover, the overarching conflict (the mask won’t come off) is urgent enough to carry this scene.
Carly Beth suddenly feels dizzy. And after the shopkeep explains the origin of the mask in more detail, Carly Beth loses control, screams “Take it off!” repeatedly, and tears frantically at her face (reaction).
The shopkeep explains that although he cannot remove the mask, Carly Beth can remove the mask herself by using a symbol of love. He also warns her that, once removed, it can never be removed again should anyone else wear it (foreshadowing the story’s final image). Carly Beth asks exactly what he means by “symbol of love,” but—for some reason—he says, “I can say no more.” From this, we get the idea that the dilemma question is “What is a symbol of love, and how do I use one to remove this mask?”
Suddenly, the other masks in the back room start moving, and the shopkeep yells for Carly Beth to run, which she does.
Segment 25
Carly Beth runs across the street. As she runs, she notices the other faces are chasing her (added conflict).
Adding a new conflict on top of an existing one is an effective way to create a greater sense of urgency. Because the faces are now pursuing Carly Beth, she doesn’t have all night to find a symbol of love. The added conflict has altered her story-level goal from “get this mask off” to “get this mask off before the floating faces get me.”
After running for a time, Carly Beth realizes that she does have a symbol of love: the plaster of Paris head. After all, her mom had said she made it because she loves Carly Beth. So, Carly Beth’s (implied) decision is to use the head to remove the mask.
Scene 6 (Segment 26)
Carly Beth is back on the same block where she had lost the head—her goal is to find it and use it to remove the mask (as with Scene 4, the current scene-level goal syncs up with the larger story-level goal). She runs to the shrub where she hid before scaring Chuck and Steve in Segment 20. There is a moment of panic when it looks like the head is gone, but then Carly Beth sees that the wind just blew the head just a little ways away. This is another inconvenience, not a conflict.
The evil faces swarm Carly Beth. She holds the plaster-of-Paris head over her own head and shouts, “This is a symbol of love! This is a symbol of love! Go away!” But the faces aren’t affected; they laugh scornfully and surround her (conflict).
Then, without thinking, Carly Beth pulls the plaster head over her own head. She can see nothing now, and she fears what the faces will do to her. But when she removes the plaster head, the faces are gone. She also realizes the mask is no longer fused to her skin, and it comes off easily (outcome). She examines the mask, and then “laughing gleefully, she tossed it up in the air and caught it” (reaction). Then she heads for home.
With the final story-level goal successfully accomplished, there is no need for a dilemma or decision. The final scene of a story is the one case where the absence of a decision does not make a scene a pseudo-scene. The only reason it doesn’t advance the plot is because it resolves the plot.
Segments 27–28
Segment 27
As Carly Beth gets to her driveway, there is a moment of suspense when she wonders if she really has her old face back. When she gets to the door, Noah screams for her to “take off that mask!” But this is just some false drama: Carly Beth pushes past her brother, tosses down the mask, and goes to the mirror, where she sees her old face. She appreciates her “good old face” much more than she did in Segment 1.
This is a very common storytelling technique. In most stories, the last segment puts a bow on everything by showing that the protagonist, someone close to them, and/or some aspect of the world around them has changed due to the events that have taken place. In this case, Carly Beth is more pleased with her appearance, particularly with her nose.
However, this technique isn’t used particularly skillfully in The Haunted Mask since Carly Beth’s nose is an extremely minor aspect of the story; other than the current instance and the line in Chapter 1 saying that Carly Beth hated her “short stub of a nose,” there are no mentions that Carly Beth is unhappy with her appearance. Nevertheless, a feeling of completeness is added to the story by using this detail to connect the last chapter to the first one.
This would be a perfectly good place to end this story. However, in classic Goosebumps fashion, we get one more segment that provides a twist.
Segment 28
Carly Beth’s mom calls her into the kitchen. As Carly Beth begins to tell her mom everything that happened that night, Noah bursts into the room, wearing the mask.
Normally, you wouldn’t introduce a new problem and leave the reader hanging like this. It works in this case because of the genre. You can also use this technique (but with more finesse than the author used in the current example) to set up the next installment in a series.
Closing Remarks
I hope this analysis has expanded your understanding of scene structure. Coming up, in Part 6, we’ll go another step further by analyzing The Lightning Thief, another plot-based novel, but a more complex one than The Haunted Mask.
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