Compared to The Haunted Mask, whose scene structure was analyzed in Part 5 of this Editor's Guide to Scene Structure, Rick Riordan’s The Lightning Thief has a notably more complicated plot. There are several reasons for this. For one thing, most of the non-plot-based (NPB) segments in The Lightning Thief occur during scenes instead of between scenes, which generally makes it harder to track a story’s plot. Also, whereas The Haunted Mask has no subplots, The Lightning Thief has four. And, since this is the first installment in a series, it contains segments dedicated to setting up Book 2, which further complicates things.
This analysis is roughly triple the length of the previous one. So, pour yourself a nice cup of tea, find a comfy chair, and let’s get started.
Oh! And if you want to grab yourself a copy of The Lightning Thief to follow along with, you can do so (and support me at the same time) by using my affiliate link.
Segments 1–3
This story begins with a three-segment pseudo-scene (as defined in Part 2 of this series), containing a goal, a conflict, and an outcome. Since the outcome does not lead to a decision that moves the plot forward, this is not technically a scene based on the definition given in Part 1.
Segment 1
The story starts with Percy—our protagonist and first-person narrator—telling the reader how he’s at a boarding school for troubled kids and how “things really started going bad last May” during a class field trip to Manhattan. Bad things always happened to him on field trips, but he was “determined to be good” this time (pseudo-goal).
Nancy Bobofit irritates Percy during the bus ride to the museum by throwing bits of sandwich at his best friend, Grover (setup for the conflict in Segment 3), but Percy remains calm.
Segment 2
Inside the museum, Mr. Brunner (Percy’s Latin teacher) leads the class to a thirteen-foot-tall stone column. Mrs. Dodds is portrayed as a nasty woman who seems to be out to get Percy (setup for the conflict in Segment 4).
Segment 3
As Percy and Grover eat their lunch outside, Percy thinks about how close they are to his mom’s apartment and how he wishes he could go see her.
By the end of Act 1, Percy will have formed the story-level goal of saving his mom. This early bit of introspection is important for clarifying that Percy loves his mom; several other moments like this are provided throughout Act 1 for the same reason. As a result, when Percy’s mom is taken from him in Segment 18, the event feels more momentous.
Nancy comes up to the two friends and accidentally-on-purpose drops half her lunch onto Grover. And that’s when Percy gets mad (pseudo-conflict). He doesn’t remember touching Nancy, but the next thing he knows, she’s in the fountain, saying Percy pushed her. This is the first instance that foreshadows Segment 36, where Percy learns he is Poseidon’s son.
Percy has failed to “be good” (pseudo-outcome). And now Mrs. Dodds demands that Percy join her in the museum.
Segments 4–5
We have another pseudo-scene here. This one is important since it lets the reader know that Percy’s life is in danger. The action in this story doesn’t get going until Segment 17; the fact that Percy’s life is at risk helps maintain the reader’s interest until then.
Segment 4
Our second consecutive pseudo-scene starts with Percy following Dodds into the museum. She is menacing; then, her eyes start to glow, her fingers become talons, and her leather jacket melts into wings. And the horrific beast she has become intends to kill Percy (pseudo-conflict).
This pseudo-scene breaks the standard scene pattern since it started without a goal. However, now that Percy’s life is in danger due to the conflict, he automatically forms the goal of not getting killed. This appears to be one of the author’s favourite scene structures; we’ll see it several more times throughout this analysis.
Then, all of a sudden, Brunner is there, too. He tosses his pen to Percy, and when Percy catches it, it’s a sword. Percy slices through Dodds, and she explodes into yellow powder (pseudo-outcome). Percy is now alone, and the pen is once again just a pen.
Segment 5
Percy goes back outside, and Nancy tells him that she hopes Mrs. Kerr kicked his butt. He doesn’t know who Mrs. Kerr even is. What’s more, no one else seems to know anyone named Mrs. Dodds. Percy is very confused (pseudo-reaction).
Segments 6–10
We now shift to a cluster of NBP segments that do not form a pseudo-scene. This is common in the early stages of a story. If everything were put into scenes (or pseudo-scenes), it would give the author little room to set up the main plot and get the reader better acquainted with the protagonist. The current cluster of segments provides character development by highlighting Percy’s self-doubt and providing more clues that he’s not normal.
Segment 6
The evening before his Latin final, Percy is feeling frustrated with his studies and goes to the faculty offices to ask Mr. Brunner for help. But when he’s in the hallway, he hears Brunner having a conversation with Grover, and he eavesdrops. Brunner says, “Let’s just worry about keeping Percy alive until next fall,” providing some pretty direct foreshadowing that trouble is on the horizon. The author was wise to withhold details to keep the reader asking questions, thus increasing their engagement with the story.
Percy is almost spotted, but he hides in the nearest room before he’s detected.
Segment 7
After “what seemed like forever,” Percy is sure the coast is clear, and he returns to his dorm room, where Grover is lying in bed reading his Latin book. He acts like he wasn’t just talking to Brunner about Percy being in danger.
This sets up an upcoming complication, as Percy comes to realize that something suspicious is going on, but Grover refuses to spill the beans. This is another useful technique for building intrigue. If a protagonist knows something’s going on but is lacking information, the situation is more interesting when they know another character has this information but is unwilling to share it. This dynamic creates a slight sense of conflict.
Segment 8
The next afternoon, Percy is leaving class after his Latin exam. Mr. Brunner stops him and says Yancy Academy isn’t the best place for him because he’s not normal. He uses a gentle tone, but it still hurts Percy’s feelings. Percy doesn’t understand why Brunner—the one teacher who believed in Percy all year long—is now saying he can’t cut it. This highlights Percy’s main character flaw (i.e., he doesn’t accept himself and doesn’t feel normal).
Segment 9
We skip ahead to the first day of summer vacation. Percy is on the same Greyhound bus as Grover. During the bus ride, Percy tells Grover he heard his conversation with Brunner about keeping him alive. Grover doesn’t admit to anything, but he does give Percy a fancy business card and tells Percy to use it if he ever needs help.
Grover only says that he’s supposed to protect Percy. When Percy asks what he could possibly need Grover’s protection from, the bus sputters and smokes, interrupting the conversation.
Segment 10
After a few minutes of the driver clanking and banging around with the engine, he announces that everyone has to get off. Three old ladies are making giant socks on the opposite side of the road.
Grover ushers Percy back onto the bus, and when the bus gets going again, he freaks out a bit when Percy says he saw one of the old ladies cut the yarn. Grover makes Percy promise to let Grover walk him home from the bus station. Based on his knowledge of Greek mythology, Percy worries that the snipping of the yarn means someone is going to die, again foreshadowing that Percy’s life is in danger.
Segments 11–13
The main function of this batch on NPB segments is to provide the first pieces of one of the subplots—namely, that involving Percy’s mom and Gabe, her jerkass of a husband. It also re-emphasizes Percy’s closeness with his mom to heighten the emotional impact of the catalyst.
Segment 11
Percy confesses that he ditched Grover at the bus terminal. He then narrates some of his mom’s backstory, including how his dad was lost at sea before Percy was born (again foreshadowing that Percy is Poseidon’s son).
When Percy arrives at his mom’s apartment, she’s not home, but her husband, Gabe Ugliano, is. He makes Percy give him his change from the taxi ride so he can gamble with it, firmly establishing his role as a bad guy.
Segment 12
Percy is in his room when his mom gets home. She comes into Percy’s room and hugs him. And she gives him some candy. During this segment, it is reinforced how much Percy loves his mom. She also says she’s taking him to Montauk right away. The trip to Montauk is important since it brings Percy physically closer to the story’s upside-down world (i.e., Camp Half-Blood).
Segment 13
An hour later, Percy and his mom are ready to leave. Gabe tells Percy not to scratch his car. As Gabe lumbers back toward the apartment, Percy is so mad that he does Grover’s warding-off-evil gesture (whatever that is), and the screen door smacks Gabe in the butt.
I’m not quite sure about the purpose of this segment. All of Percy’s other tricks involve water in some way, which makes sense, given that they foreshadow that he is the son of the god of the sea. Unless Poseidon is also the god of screen doors, I’m not quite sure what the author was going for here. Something like a fire hydrant bursting open and soaking Gabe might have been better.
Segments 14–16
Segment 14
Percy and his mom are at their rental cabin out at the tip of Long Island. Percy asks his mom about his father, and we get some more of Percy’s backstory. His mom explains that she only knew Percy’s dad for one summer; he knew she was pregnant but had to leave before he was born. Percy feels angry at his dad for not having the guts to marry his mom.
Percy’s anger toward his dad is the first piece of this story’s second subplot, which revolves around Percy’s relationship with Poseidon.
Percy then asks if his mom is going to send him away to another boarding school next year. She says she has to send him away for his own good: “You don’t realize how important you are. I thought Yancy Academy would be far enough away. I thought you’d finally be safe.” Once again, there’s that idea that Percy’s life is in danger, but we don’t know exactly why.
His mom goes on to say, “There’s only one other option, Percy—the place your father wanted to send you. And I just. . .I just can’t stand to do it.” The place is a summer camp, but if she sends him there, it could mean saying goodbye for good.
Here, we get the first mention of the summer camp, which is the story’s upside-down world.
Segment 15
This short segment describes a dream Percy has about a white horse and a golden eagle in a fight to the death. Percy’s dreams throughout the book foreshadow events related to the entire series. I won’t describe them in depth here; we’ll mostly stick to what happens in Book 1.
Segment 16
This segment’s main purpose is to provide a reason for Scene 1 to begin. In other words, this segment presents the inciting incident. As Percy wakes from his odd dream, there is a fierce storm outside. Then there is a pounding on the cabin door. It’s Grover, who forces Percy to tell his mom about the Mrs. Dodds incident at the museum and the old ladies cutting the yarn. In response, his mom says for Percy and Grover to get to the car immediately.
Scene 1, Part 1 (Segments 17–19)
This scene doesn’t end until Segment 39. However, it’s interrupted by a very long series of NPB segments, so I’ve divided it into two parts.
Segment 17
As his mom speeds along the road, Percy realizes that Grover is a satyr. They swerve onto a back road of sorts. Percy’s mom says she’s taking Percy to the summer camp his dad wanted to send him to; he’ll be safe there (goal). But then there’s a boom, and the car crashes into a ditch.
Segment 18
Percy comes to, and his mom directs his attention to a pine tree on the crest of a hill in the distance. She says, “That’s the property line…. Get over that hill and you’ll see a big farmhouse down in the valley. Run and don’t look back. Yell for help. Don’t stop until you reach the door” (refining the goal).
However, the Minotaur appears, and he’s closing in on them (conflict). Percy and his mom get out of the car and carry an unconscious Grover toward the pine tree. They reach the crest of the hill, but before they reach the tree, the bull-man attacks Percy’s mom, who dissolves before Percy’s eyes.
The Minotaur then bears down on Grover. Percy can’t let him make Grover dissolve, too, so he goes to his friend’s aid. He fights the Minotaur and ends up dislodging one of the beast’s horns from his head and stabbing him, making him crumble like dust. He grabs Grover and lugs him past the pine tree and down the hill into the valley toward the farmhouse.
Though it doesn’t feel like it, the outcome is technically a success, as Percy successfully fled to the farmhouse like his mom wanted. However, this success comes with a massive “but”: Percy’s mom is gone.
Segment 19
Percy had passed out and now finds himself on a deck chair on a porch gazing out at a meadow and beautiful rolling green hills (i.e., he is now in the upside-down world). He tries to convince himself it was all just a dream. However, when Grover gives Percy the broken horn he used to kill the Minotaur, he can’t deny reality (reaction). Grover tells him, “Come on. Chiron and Mr. D are waiting.”
From here until Segment 39, we have a long series of NPB segments, some “pure” NPB segments and some that are parts of pseudo-scenes. There is also a small amount of dilemma interspersed throughout, as Percy wonders if his mom might still be alive and if there’s some way to save her.
This might sound like poor plotting, but it’s pretty standard practice. Very often, the part of a story immediately following the protagonist’s entry into the upside-down world depicts the protagonist adjusting to their new surroundings and the people in the new world. This situation is engaging enough on its own and presents enough of a struggle for the protagonist that not much external conflict is needed to hold the reader’s attention.
Segments 20–26
These segments mainly revolve around Percy acclimating to camp life and learning that the Greek gods really do exist and are still alive. Also, Grover’s subplot is introduced, and there is some foreshadowing.
Segment 20
Grover takes Percy to see Mr. D. and Annabeth (the story’s other main secondary character besides Grover), as well as Chiron, whom Percy recognizes as Mr. Brunner. Annabeth goes off to prepare Percy’s cabin, while the rest of them play pinochle.
During the game, Chiron explains that he was assigned to teach Percy, as they suspect there’s something special about him. He also explains that the Greek gods are very much alive, which explains all of the strange happenings from earlier segments. It also provides more clues that Percy is the son of a Greek god.
Mr. D then ushers Grover inside for what appears to be a punishment for not doing a great job looking after Percy. This is our first hint of Grover’s subplot.
Segment 21
Chiron gives Percy a tour of the camp. Percy looks back at the farmhouse and sees the curtain twitch on the top floor. When he asks Chiron about it, he says no one lives up there; it’s just an attic. But Percy knows he saw something, which foreshadows the events of Segment 40.
Segment 22
We jump ahead to Percy and Chiron walking through a strawberry field. Grover’s subplot is given some more attention. Chiron clarifies that for Gover to achieve his subplot goal, “he must first demonstrate great courage by succeeding as a keeper, finding a new camper and bringing him safely to Half-Blood Hill.” And even though he did bring Percy to Half-Blood Hill, “Dionysus and the Council of Cloven Elders must decide, [and] they might not see this assignment as a success.”
Also, Percy asks if the Underworld is real. He wonders if his mom might be there (this is one of the bits of dilemma that are sprinkled throughout this section of the novel). Chiron says that there is an Underworld, but he will say no more on the matter.
Segment 23
The tour continues through the forest, where a game of capture the flag will take place on Friday night (setting up an upcoming pseudo-scene). Some other areas of the upside-down world are shown as well (worldbuilding). The tour eventually ends at the cabins.
Segment 24
Chiron takes Percy to cabin eleven and asks Annabeth to take Percy from there. Percy is given a spot in the cramped cabin and is referred to as “undetermined” while the other campers kind of eye him up. But Luke, a guy who looks to be around 19 years old, is friendly enough. (He’s not, though; very late in the book, as part of the setup for Book 2, we’ll learn that Luke is evil.)
Segment 25
Annabeth pulls Percy outside for a chat, explaining that others are upset because they’d kill for a chance to kill the Minotaur like Percy did. She explains some things to him about how monsters can be killed but can’t die; she also says that the cabin you stay in depends on who your parents are (worldbuilding).
Segment 26
In this single-segment pseudo-scene, Percy is confronted by a brute of a girl named Clarisse, daughter of Ares. She takes Percy to the bathrooms to initiate him by dunking his head in it (this is the pseudo-conflict, with the accompanying pseudo-goal of “avoid getting a swirly”). Magically, the water from the toilets sprays Clarisse and her gang, and Percy gets away scot free and bone dry (pseudo-outcome).
Segments 27–28
This pair of NPB segments feature Annabeth and her subplot. These segments also fill in some of Percy’s knowledge gaps.
Segment 27
Annabeth shows Percy a few more places that Chiron did not show him during the tour. They end the tour at the canoeing lake, where Annabeth informs Percy that he is a “half-blood,” meaning he is a half-god. She says that Percy will find out who his father is only if his father sends him a sign. She also explains some of the mechanics of the summer camp and how no human or monster can find them here (worldbuilding).
Annabeth says she has been at Camp Half-Blood for seven years, which is longer than even some of the counsellors (character development). She explains that, for most, the only way out is to be given a mission. But the last time there was a quest, something important was stolen from Olympus. “And if it isn’t returned by the summer solstice, there’s going to be trouble.” This information sets up a critical component of the main plot.
During this conversation, Annabeth mutters to herself, “I’ve got to get a quest…. I’m not too young. If they would just tell me the problem…” From this, we can gather that Annabeth’s subplot goal is to receive and complete a quest.
Segment 28
Percy returns to cabin eleven. More info about Annabeth’s subplot is given as Luke explains how he messed things up on a quest two years ago and how Annabeth has been pestering Chiron for a quest of her own. The dinner horn blows.
Segments 29–33
This collection of NPB segments primarily shows that Percy is starting to feel a little more comfortable in the upside-down world. This provides some contrast to his status-quo world, where he didn’t feel like he belonged at all.
Segment 29
As the campers eat dinner, Percy thinks about his mom again:
She’s not gone, I told myself. Not permanently, anyway. She’s in the Underworld. And if that’s a real place, then someday…
This builds on the dilemma that was introduced in Segment 22 when Percy first wondered whether his mom could still be saved if she’s in the Underworld.
Segment 30
This segment is purely functional, as Mr. D makes a speech that includes a mention of a capture the flag game to be held on Friday, setting up Segments 34–36.
Segment 31
This very short segment shows Percy getting into bed on his first night at camp. This is included primarily to remind the reader of the stakes by reinforcing Percy’s love for his mom:
I thought about my mom, but I had good thoughts: her smile, the bedtime stories she would read me when I was a kid, the way she would tell me not to let the bedbugs bite.
Segment 32
Some narrative summary covers a span of several days. Percy isn’t excelling at anything, but he likes camp, nonetheless. This section includes one important plot element, as Percy narrates,
I tried not to think too much about my mom, but I kept wondering: if gods and monsters were real, if all this magical stuff was possible, surely there was some way to save her, to bring her back.
This shows that Percy has taken another step forward in his dilemma and is getting closer to forming the decision that will drive the plot in Segment 39.
Segments like this one are important to include during a long span of NPB segments since they remind the reader that there is something big at stake. Percy’s not just bumbling around at camp aimlessly; he’s wondering if and how he can get his mom back.
Segment 33
On Friday afternoon, Percy and Grover are sitting by the lake. Percy asks how Grover’s talk with Mr. D went. Grover says,
He said I hadn’t failed or succeeded with you yet, so our fates were still tied together. If you got a quest and I went along to protect you, and we both came back alive, then maybe he’d consider the job complete.
Whereas Grover’s subplot goal was presented vaguely in Segment 22, here, it is refined: he must accompany Percy on a quest and return alive.
Grover explains that the “Big Three” are Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. He also talks about the agreement they made after World War II to not have any children with mortals and how Hades broke that deal. Also, children of the Big Three are more powerful than other half-bloods. He also mentions Hades’s daughter, Thalia, who is now the pine tree that protects the camp (worldbuilding).
The backstory provided by Grover here is crucial, as the rivalry between the Big Three will become important to the main plot. Also, the mention of Thalia is important since she connects Annabeth’s and Grover’s backstories.
Segments 34–38
These segments depict the capture the flag game and the fallout from it. Since the game has been mentioned a couple of times in earlier segments, readers subconsciously expect something important to happen here, and it does: this is where Percy learns he is Poseidon’s son.
Segment 34
Luke explains who’s on whose team, and Percy sizes up his opponents. When the game starts, Luke puts Percy on border patrol, which means he is to stand by the creek.
Segment 35
In this pseudo-scene, Clarisse and four other campers surround and attack Percy (pseudo-conflict, with the natural pseudo-goal being to not get hurt). One of them cuts Percy’s arm and then pushes him into the creek. The water wakes up Percy’s senses, and he finds the strength to fend off his attackers (pseudo-outcome).
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Percy’s side won the game of capture the flag.
Segment 36
This is another pseudo-scene. When Percy goes to join the celebration for winning capture the flag, Annabeth points out that Percy’s cut has magically healed itself. Percy gets out of the creek and is immediately bone tired.
Then, there’s some growling, and a hellhound appears (pseudo-conflict, accompanied by the pseudo-goal of not being killed). The monster bites through Percy’s armour. Fortunately, Chiron shoots it with his bow and arrow before it can do any permanent damage, but Percy has been hurt badly (pseudo-outcome).
Annabeth says for Percy to get back in the creek, and when he does, his wounds heal. Then, the symbol of Poseidon appears above him. It is determined: Percy is Poseidon’s son.
Segment 37
The next morning, Chiron moves Percy to cabin three (Poseidon’s cabin). Percy is miserable all alone in his cabin:
Just when I’d started to feel accepted, to feel I had a home in cabin eleven and I might be a normal kid—or as normal as you can be when you’re a half-blood—I’d been separated out as if I had some rare disease (pseudo-reaction).
This builds on Percy’s self-doubt and struggles with not being normal, which were established in Segment 8.
Someone leaves a mortal newspaper inside the doorway of Percy’s cabin. There’s an article about the car crash from Segment 17. Gabe has insinuated that Percy has taken his mom hostage. This is thrown in to remind the reader of the subplot Mom/Gabe subplot.
Segment 38
Percy has another bad dream. This one’s about two guys who look like wrestlers fighting.
Scene 1, Part 2 (Segment 39)
And now we get back to Scene 1. As a reminder, we started with the goal of getting Percy to Camp Half-Blood, but he, his mom, and Grover got attacked by the Minotaur (conflict). Percy succeeded in getting to the camp along with Grover, but his mom was disintegrated (outcome).
Since then, Percy has had a few thoughts here and there about the possibility that his mom is in the Underworld and could still be saved, but nothing has come of it so far. While the question hasn’t been stated directly, we could say that the question, “Is my mom alive in the Underworld, and if so, how can I save her?” is the dilemma that Percy has occasionally pondered since the outcome. And now it’s time for Percy’s decision to complete the scene cycle.
Segment 39
Chiron has a conversation with Percy and Grover that presents a big turning point in the story and significantly raises the stakes. Chiron explains how Zeus’s bolt has been stolen, and Zeus thinks Poseidon “hired” Percy to steal it. He then spells out what is to be done and what is at stake, both for Percy and for the world on a grander scale:
“Zeus has demanded that Poseidon return the bolt by the summer solstice. That’s June twenty-first, ten days from now. Poseidon wants an apology for being called a thief by the same date. . . . Unless someone intervenes, unless the master bolt is found and returned to Zeus before the solstice, there will be war. And do you know what a full-fledged war would look like, Percy?”
“Bad?” I guessed.
“Imagine the world in chaos. Nature at war with itself. Olympians forced to choose sides between Zeus and Poseidon. Destruction. Carnage. Millions dead. Western civilization turned into a battleground so big it will make the Trojan War look like a water-balloon fight.”
“Bad,” I repeated.
“And you, Percy Jackson, would be the first to feel Zeus’s wrath.”
Chiron concludes by saying Percy must be the one to return the bolt to Zeus because “What better peace offering than to have the son of Poseidon return Zeus’s property?” Chiron thinks he knows the bolt’s location, but he won’t say where because he’s afraid Percy wouldn’t accept the challenge if he knew. Despite the daunting nature of the challenge, Percy accepts it (decision), thus concluding Scene 1.
This might seem a little confusing plot-structure-wise because, on the surface, the goal of returning Zeus’s bolt seems unrelated to Percy’s dilemma of how he can save his mom. However, as we’ll learn in Segment 43, Percy has accepted this task with the ulterior motive of going to the Underworld to save his mom; this is his story-level goal.
In any event, Percy’s decision to accept this call to action is the story’s first plot point (which signals the end of Act 1). As we’d expect in a plot-based story, now that we’ve hit this plot point, the plot is going to take center stage from now until the story-level goal is completed in Segment 81. From now on, the material related to subplots, theme, etc. is inserted into the main plot. In other words, everything from now until the main plot is resolved occurs within scenes (i.e., there are no long strings of NPB segments).
Also, now that we’ve hit the first plot point, no new subplots will be introduced. We’ll be dealing only with the four that have already been set up—namely, those dealing with:
Percy’s need to find his place in the world and deal with his anger toward Poseidon for ditching him and his mom
Annabeth’s need to leave Camp Half-Blood and reconnect with her dad.
Grover’s need to prove himself by successfully completing a quest.
Percy’s Mom’s need to free herself from Gabe.
Segment 40
We have just one more quick NBP segment before the plot gets rolling. Percy goes to the attic of the farmhouse to consult the Oracle (this is what he saw moving in the window in Segment 21). He receives the following message:
You shall go west, and face the god who has turned. You shall find what was stolen, and see it safely returned. You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend. And you shall fail to save what matters most, in the end.
The purpose of this segment is to foreshadow later events in the current story. We also have some double-layered setup going on, as some of the Oracle’s message sets up the setup for Book 2.
Scene 2 (Segments 41–51)
Segment 41
Percy is back with Chiron and Grover. Chiron tells Percy that Hades stole the lightning bolt, meaning it is currently in the Underworld. In doing so, he restates the goal that will carry the story’s main plot from here:
“Hades sent a minion to steal the master bolt,” Chiron insisted. “He hid it in the Underworld, knowing full well that Zeus would blame Poseidon. I don’t pretend to understand the Lord of the Dead’s motives perfectly, or why he chose this time to start a war, but one thing is certain. Percy must go to the Underworld, find the master bolt, and reveal the truth.”
The fact that Chiron can’t deduce Hades’s motive foreshadows the plot twist that comes in Segment 79 when we learn that Hades did not steal the bolt.
To expand on what I said in Segment 39, this is an unusual (not bad, just unusual) way of setting up the story-level goal since Percy doesn’t actually intend to retrieve Zeus’s bolt. Instead, the author keeps Percy’s true intentions hidden for a little while longer. This doesn’t cause any problems because both the presumed goal (retrieve Zeus’s bolt from the Underworld) and the real goal (save Percy’s mom from the Underworld) involve the same sub-goal of getting to the Underworld.
Chiron says the entrance to the Underworld is in LA, but Percy can’t take a plane because Zeus controls the skies and is mad at Percy. Instead, Percy must travel by bus, which establishes Percy’s initial scene-level goal: to take the bus to LA. Percy is to be accompanied by Annabeth and Grover (both of whom can accomplish their subplot goals if Percy succeeds in his quest).
Segment 42
The author now takes advantage of the space between this scene’s goal and conflict to do some foreshadowing (in this segment) and some subplot development (in the next segment). However, that doesn’t mean the main plot has stopped moving. The team is still taking steps toward the goal. They’re mundane steps, but they still count.
Segment 42 is your classic preparation segment that follows the acceptance of the call to action. It shows the very first baby steps toward accomplishing the scene-level goal, as Percy packs up some money and other whatnots that might come in handy, and he, Annabeth, and Grover hike to the top of Half-Blood Hill. Also, Chiron gives Percy the sword-pen from Segment 4.
During this segment, Luke also appears and gives Percy some winged shoes. After Luke leaves, Percy gives the shoes to Grover (Percy can’t wear them because Zeus will strike him down). Later events involving the shoes foreshadow part of the setup for Book 2.
Segment 43
As our heroes are being driven to the Greyhound station (another step toward the goal), There is some relationship building as Annabeth explains why her mom and Percy’s dad are rivals. I didn’t explain it earlier, but in previous segments, Annabeth gave off the vibe that she doesn’t really like Percy, and now we’re seeing why.
At the bus station, they get their tickets, and we get some backstory for the Mom/Gabe subplot—oddly enough, from Grover. Grover can tell Percy is missing his mom, and he explains to Percy she lives with Gabe only because his stench covers up Percy’s demigod scent; in this way, she was keeping him safe.
Also in this segment, Percy reveals—to the reader, not to his companions—his true story-level goal:
The truth was, I didn’t care about retrieving Zeus’s lightning bolt, or saving the world, or even helping my father out of trouble. The more I thought about it, I resented Poseidon for never visiting me, never helping my mom, never even sending a lousy child-support check. He’d only claimed me because he needed a job done.
All I cared about was my mom. Hades had taken her unfairly, and Hades was going to give her back.
This is also the first time we get an especially strong sense that Percy resents his father, adding some fuel to the Percy/Poseidon subplot.
Segment 44
On the bus, our heroes notice a reincarnated Dodds and two other old ladies (Furies, they’re called) board the bus. They assume the Furies were sent by Hades and intend to stop them from getting to LA alive (conflict). Annabeth and Grover decide Percy should escape using Annabeth’s magic invisibility hat, but when the Furies attack Annabeth and Grover, Percy makes the bus crash to distract them, and all three heroes battle the Furies together.
A crash of thunder shakes the bus, and the three friends hurry to get off before the bus explodes. Annabeth says for them to run since Dodds will call for reinforcements, and so they plunge into the nearby woods. Although they were able to evade the Furies, the outcome of this scene is a failure, since they didn’t even come close to reaching LA. On top of that, they left all their money and supplies on the bus.
Segment 45
This segment is almost all reaction to the previous outcome. As our heroes trudge through the woods, Grover is described as “shivering and braying, his big goat eyes turned slit-pupiled and full of terror, while Percy was “pretty much in shock” and Annabeth “kept pulling us along.” Percy and Annabeth also argue about whether Percy did the right thing by helping them fight the Furies, extending the reaction while doing some relationship building (throughout the series, Percy and Annabeth go from frenemies to boyfriend/girlfriend).
We also get some of the backstory for Annabeth’s subplot. She expresses her concern that if Percy dies, the quest is over, and then she won’t be able to see the real world, which she hasn’t seen since she was seven years old (i.e., her subplot goal would not be achieved). She says things didn’t work out for her living at home, adding an extra layer to her character.
Segment 46
Segments 46–48 represent a pseudo-scene within a scene. The events of these segments do not move the heroes toward LA in any way. However, that does not mean this scene is all filler, as it contains two important pieces of setup for future segments. First, Percy learns exactly where in LA he can find the gateway to the Underworld (setting up the specific goal for Scene 7). Second, Percy acquires Medusa’s head, which sets up the resolution to the Mom/Gabe subplot.
In Segment 46, after walking for a mile or so, Percy smells greasy food up ahead, and he really wants a double cheeseburger (pseudo-goal). The group soon finds the source of the good smell: Aunty Em’s Garden Gnome Emporium. They knock on the door and are greeted by Aunty Em, who guides them to an eating area at the back of the warehouse. She brings them burgers, shakes, and fries.
Segment 47
As Percy is halfway through his burger, Em’s behaviour is becoming increasingly suspicious. Soon, Annabeth and Grover are saying they need to go, but Percy has been lulled into a false sense of security by Em. She wants to take their photo to use them as models for her gnomes.
She takes them outside and reveals that she is Medusa; she intends to turn them into statues (pseudo-conflict, which creates the new pseudo-goal of not becoming statues). The heroes battle Medusa, winning when Percy turns her into dust with his sword (pseudo-outcome).
Medusa’s head remains as a spoil of war. Percy and Annabeth have a small argument about whose parent is at fault for Medusa's existence. Percy’s pseudo-reaction is as follows (note the reminder of the scene-level goal at the end):
I was angry, not just with Annabeth or her mom, but with all the gods for this whole quest, for getting us blown off the road and in two major fights the very first day out from camp. At this rate, we’d never make it to L.A. alive, much less before the summer solstice.
Segment 48
Percy goes into Medusa’s office, where he finds a freight bill for DOA Recording Studios, which is the Underworld’s billing address in LA (setup for Scene 7). He then puts Medusa’s head in a box and mails it to Mount Olympus (setup for Segments 87–88).
Then, at the end of this segment, we return to Scene 2 properly as Annabeth mutters “We need a new plan,” which is the dilemma raised by the explosion of the bus.
Segment 49
Even though Annabeth just said they need a new plan, they don’t discuss this matter in this segment. Instead, we get two NPB segments before the scene cycle is completed.
In the current segment, Grover gives some backstory to his subplot by providing some information about satyrs and his desire to be a searcher: he wants to be the first one to find Pan in 2000 years. He also says that his first failed mission as a keeper was Annabeth’s mission, but he won’t go into detail.
This segment also develops the Percy/Poseidon subplot a little, as Percy admits to Grover that he doesn’t care about Zeus’s bolt and is doing all this for his mom. Grover already knew that, but he’s also sure Percy does care about his dad and just doesn’t want to admit it (which foreshadows Percy’s change of heart later in the story).
Segment 50
This segment is another dream that provides some foreshadowing.
Segment 51
Here, we return to and finish Scene 2. Percy wakes up to learn that Grover had gone for a walk early in the morning and encountered a lost pink poodle that he can talk to. The poodle says if they return her to her owners, they will receive a $200 reward. They decide to do this and use the money for train tickets to LA.
At this point, our heroes’ goal is to return the poodle to its owners so they can collect the reward (goal A) and get to LA (goal B). Interestingly, we don’t see the first half of the next scene. Since goal A is pedestrian and easy to accomplish, we start the next scene with our heroes having already collected the $200.
Scene 3 (Segments 52–58)
Segment 52
Percy narrates that the $200 was only enough for tickets to Denver. This shifts the status of “get to LA” from a single-step, scene-level goal to a multi-step, multi-scene goal. Our main plot now has three layers of goals:
Story-level goal: Save Mom from the Underworld.
Long-term goal: Get to LA.
Scene-level goal: Get to Denver.
As our heroes travel on the train (progress toward the goal), Percy tells Annabeth about the dreams he’s been having; she says the dreams may indicate that Hades wants Percy’s help getting out of the Underworld. But that doesn’t quite make sense, and it foreshadows the plot twist in Segment 79.
During this conversation, Annabeth shares with Percy how her dad never wanted her (character development/relationship building). Of note—and as we’ll see throughout this analysis—road trips are a perfect time to inject non-plot elements like this into a scene.
Segment 53
Segments 53–56 are very similar to Segments 46–48 in Scene 2. That is, they form a pseudo-scene within a scene beginning with a random initial goal. However, this pseudo-scene presents a special case, as, unlike most pseudo-scenes, it leads to a decision. However, this is still a pseudo-scene because the decision is not related to the main plot; instead, it’s related to a side quest that comes up later.
In Segment 53, near the end of the second day of the voyage, the train stops in St. Louis for a three-hour layover. Annabeth wants to go to the top of the Gateway Arch (pseudo-goal).
Segment 54
The heroes are at the arch and take the elevator to the top. When it’s time to go back down, Annabeth and Grover get in the elevator, but there’s no room for Percy, so he waits for the next one. But as he waits, the dog of a random tourist becomes the Chimera, and it intends to kill him (pseudo-conflict, which creates the new pseudo-goal of not dying). As Percy fights the Chimera, he loses his sword, which falls into the Mississippi River below. With no other option, Percy jumps out through hole that was made in the wall during the fight and dives into the river.
Segment 55
Percy lands softly in the Mississippi River. To his surprise, he is dry, and he can breathe. He is safe (pseudo-outcome). He sees his sword and grabs it. He then sees an image of his mom, but it’s not really her; it’s only a messenger. It says, “Your mother’s fate is not as hopeless as you believe. Go to the beach in Santa Monica. . . . It is your father’s will. Before you descend into the Underworld, you must go to Santa Monica.”
Percy retrieves the sword, which is once again a pen. He swims up through the muck and surfaces.
Segment 56
Percy reaches the shore and is found by Annabeth and Grover. Percy tells them about the messenger (pseudo-dilemma). Grover says, “We’ve got to get you to Santa Monica! You can’t ignore a summons from your dad” (pseudo-decision).
Our heroes then go back to the Amtrak station and board the train just before it pulls out for Denver, thus resuming Scene 3.
Segment 57
This segment starts with our heroes in Denver (outcome). Even though we’re back to the main plot, this segment still contains a lot of NPB segments.
Also, you may have noticed that Scene 3 doesn’t have a conflict. That’s ok because the pseudo-conflict kept things exciting. This scene also lacks a reaction since all the characters did was get off a train at the predetermined destination.
Annabeth says they should try to contact Chiron. She wants to tell him about Percy’s talk with the river spirit.
This sounds like another pseudo-goal, similar to how Percy wanted a cheeseburger and Annabeth wanted to see the arch. However, this isn’t the case since no conflict occurs. The idea to contact Chiron is just an excuse for Percy to end up talking to Luke so that future events can be foreshadowed.
Our heroes go to a car wash and make a rainbow, which they use to contact Chiron. However, when they get connected, Chiron is unavailable, and they get Luke instead. There is some foreshadowing of Segments 78 and 94 as Percy and Luke talk privately.
Segment 58
This segment starts with our heroes at a diner. Ares shows up and buys them some food. He also offers Percy a mission: to go to the tunnel of love ride at the nearby waterpark and retrieve Ares’s shield. If Percy does this, Ares will arrange a ride for them to get to LA. He might also tell Percy something about his mom. He says he’ll meet them back at the diner when they’re done. And then he’s gone like magic.
Percy questions whether they should accept the mission, worrying that it’s “some kind of trick” (dilemma). But Annabeth says they can’t ignore the mission: “You don’t ignore the gods unless you want serious bad fortune.” They must retrieve Ares’s shield (decision).
Scene 4 (Segments 59–60)
As a refresher, here’s where we are plot-wise as Scene 4 begins:
Story-level goal: Save Mom from the Underworld.
Long-term goal: Get to LA (with the side quest goal of going to Santa Monica first).
Scene-level goal: Obtain Ares’s shield and return it to him in exchange for a ride to LA.
Segment 59
Our heroes arrive at the waterpark. The shield seems like it will be easy to get, as it’s just sitting there in one of the pools. But it turns out this was a trap set by Hephaestus (Aphrodite’s husband) to catch Aphrodite cheating on him with Ares. Percy and Annabeth get caught in this trap, and a bunch of little metallic spiders come after them (conflict), but they eventually get away with the shield.
Segment 60
Ares is waiting for our heroes in the parking lot of the diner. He points out their ride: a “humane zoo transport” eighteen-wheeler that is heading to LA, with one stop in Vegas (outcome). He also gives them a backpack with some money and supplies. Lastly, Ares confirms Percy’s suspicion that his mom is not dead. Hades is keeping her hostage to manipulate Percy.
Ares rides off on his chopper, and Grover notices that the truck drivers are leaving the diner. Our heroes hop onto the back of the truck before it drives off.
There is no reaction, dilemma, or decision mentioned anywhere on the page. This is because the next stage of the plan is so obvious that the reader’s intelligence would be insulted if the author spelled things out. Instead, the decision to take the semi to LA is implied.
Scene 5 (Segments 61–67)
With our heroes having found another direct route to LA, the goal of getting to their destination returns to scene-level status. So, now we’ve got:
Story-level goal: Save Mom from the Underworld.
Scene-level goal: Take the semi to LA (with the side quest goal of going to Santa Monica).
This scene starts with three NPB segments. However, since they depict the characters moving toward LA (i.e., progressing with their scene-level goal), I’ve included them as part of this scene.
Segment 61
Along with a maltreated antelope, lion, and zebra, our heroes ride in the back of the semi toward LA (progress toward the goal). Some more details about Annabeth and Grover are provided.
First, Grover expresses his self-doubt (character flaw): “I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning.” His voice trembled. “I thought if you knew what a failure I was, you wouldn’t want me along.”
Second, Annabeth explains that when she left home, she found Luke and Thalia, who were then sought by Grover. Grover was supposed to save only Thalia, but he tried to save all three, which resulted in Thalia becoming the pine tree on Half-Blood Hill (backstory).
Segment 62
Grover falls asleep, and a few miles later (continuing to move toward the goal), Percy and Annabeth have something of a heart-to-heart about Annabeth’s relationship with her dad (character development/relationship building). He seemed to want her back in his life, but her stepmom was against it, and her dad eventually chose the stepmom and her kids over Annabeth.
A little later, Percy asks what will happen if the gods fight. Annabeth says she doesn’t know, but she’ll be on Percy’s side because they’re friends (more relationship building). Then she falls asleep, too.
Segment 63
This segment depicts another of Percy’s foreshadowing nightmares. This one also reminds the reader of the stakes associated with the story-level goal, as Percy sees his mother, frozen in shimmering golden light. He reaches for her, but his hands are “withering to bones.”
Segment 64
Percy wakes up and notices the truck isn’t moving; they must be at their planned stop in Vegas. When the drivers open the back of the truck, our heroes take the opportunity to free the abused animals. However, this means their ride to LA stops here, as the drivers can’t continue on their route without their cargo (outcome).
Segment 65
Following the negative outcome, we’d expect to see the characters react to the situation and then have a dilemma about what to do next. However, instead of this, we get another pseudo-scene, which starts with our heroes wandering through Vegas somewhat aimlessly for a while:
We passed the Monte Carlo and the MGM. We passed pyramids, a pirate ship, and the Statue of Liberty, which was a pretty small replica, but still made me homesick. I wasn’t sure what we were looking for. Maybe just a place to get out of the heat for a few minutes, find a sandwich and a glass of lemonade, make a new plan for getting west.
Note that the dilemma is briefly mentioned in that last sentence, but it is not addressed head-on until after the upcoming pseudo-scene.
Our heroes end up at the Lotus Hotel and Casino, and the doorman invites them in for a rest. The lobby is a giant amusement park of sorts, and a bellhop gives them room keys, saying there is no charge for their stay.
Segment 66
The characters go up to their room, shower, eat some chips, and watch some TV. Percy eventually says it’s “play time.”
You may be wondering what the point of this segment is. And so am I. Even though this segment is pretty short at under 400 words, I still feel like it would have been better to explain what happened through one or two short paragraphs of narrative summary.
Segment 67
After playing for a while, Percy realizes something is wrong when a kid playing a game next to him says it’s 1977. This place is a trap (pseudo-conflict), and they need to get out (pseudo-goal). Percy snaps Annabeth and Grover out of their trances, and they go outside. However, Percy sees a newspaper and realizes five days have passed; they now have only one day until the summer solstice (pseudo-outcome).
This pseudo-scene is the least purposeful in the novel, as its only function is to shorten the amount of time the heroes have to complete their story-level goal. The use of an entire pseudo-scene solely for this purpose makes this section of the story feel a little contrived.
This scene is now over despite the absence of a dilemma and decision. These elements occur off the page and are implied by the opening sentences of Segment 68.
Scene 6 (Segments 68–70)
As Scene 6 begins, we have the following goals:
Story-level goal: Save Mom from the Underworld.
Scene-level goal: Take a taxi to LA (with the side quest goal of going to Santa Monica first)
Segment 68
At the end of Scene 4, we had a decision that was implied because the events of that scene made it obvious what the next goal would be. Here, we see another way that you can imply the decision: by making it obvious based on how the next scene starts. Here’s how Segment 68 begins:
It was Annabeth’s idea.
She loaded us into the back of a Vegas taxi as if we actually had money, and told the driver, “Los Angeles, please.”
Clearly, between segments, Annabeth made the decision for the party to take a cab to LA, which is the current scene-level goal.
There is an inconvenience when the cab driver requires payment up front, but other than that, this is a short and uneventful segment.
Segment 69
While on the road (progress toward the goal), Percy tries telling the other two about his recent dream, again providing some foreshadowing. Here, the author combines the dreams with introspection to clearly indicate that there is more to the story than meets the eye, preparing the reader for the plot twist coming up in Segment 79:
I got the feeling I was missing one simple, critical piece of information. . . . The more I thought about my quest, the more I was sure that confronting Hades wasn’t the real answer. There was something else going on, something even more dangerous.
The problem was: we were hurtling toward the Underworld at ninety-five miles an hour, betting that Hades had the master bolt. If we got there and found out we were wrong, we wouldn’t have time to correct ourselves. The solstice deadline would pass and war would begin.
Segment 70
The sun is setting when the taxi drops our heroes off at the beach in Santa Monica. This indicates a successful outcome for the scene-level goal (Santa Monica is close enough to LA that it counts for our purposes).
For some reason, Percy walks into the ocean. He goes underwater and can breathe like in the Mississippi River. A shark gives him a ride to Nereid (the same spirit he had seen in St. Louis). She gives Percy three pearls, which he is to smash at his feet should he find himself in danger (setup for Segment 79). This signifies the completion of the side quest goal. Percy returns to shore and tells Grover and Annabeth what happened.
Given the story-level goal, it is obvious that the next scene-level goal will be to find the entrance to the Underworld at DOA Recording Studios. Therefore, a dilemma is not required, and the decision is implied.
Scene 7 (Segments 71–73)
Although our heroes know the entrance to the Underworld is at DOA Recording Studios, they don’t know where in LA the recording studio building is located. Therefore, the implied goal for Scene 7 is to determine the location of DOA Recording Studios. So, we have:
Story-level goal: Save Mom from the Underworld.
Scene-level goal: Find the entrance to the Underworld.
Segment 71
This segment starts with the heroes in West Hollywood (they took a bus). Percy narrates, “We wandered for miles on foot, looking for DOA. Nobody seemed to know where it was. It didn’t appear in the phone book” (conflict).
As they walk past an appliance store, Percy sees Barbara Walters interviewing Gabe on TV. He’s playing the victim and paints Percy as a villain (reminder of the Mom/Gabe subplot).
Segment 72
It’s getting dark. Some thugs threaten our heroes, so they run and seek refuge in the only open store around: Crusty’s Water Bed Palace (pseudo-goal). But it turns out that Crusty is Procrustes, and he straps Annabeth and Grover to a couple of beds and tries to stretch their bodies out so that they’re six feet tall (pseudo-conflict, which instantly gives Percy the new pseudo-goal of saving his friends). Percy saves the day by outwitting and destroying Crusty (pseudo-outcome).
Segment 73
The outcome for Scene 7 occurs when Percy observes Crusty’s bulletin board and notices a flier for DOA Recording Studios, which has the address on it.
It isn’t ideal that Percy just happened to find the information he needed by chance as opposed to earning the positive outcome. For example, if he had had to somehow extract the information from Procrustes, the outcome would have felt more deserved. Perhaps he could have gotten the information out of him through torture by stretching Procrustes out like he tried to do to Annabeth and Grover. But this isn’t a huge deal; it just feels a little convenient.
Scene 8 (Segments 74–80)
We’re now at a critical moment in the plot, as all that’s left to do is go to the Underworld and save Percy’s mom. In other words, we don’t have multiple levels of goals anymore: the story-level goal is also the scene-level goal. When this happens, that’s a big clue that we’re at one of the story’s main plot points. Here, the merging of the story-level and scene-level goals indicates that Act 3 has begun.
But the story-level goal can’t be treated like any other scene-level goal. This is the big one. This is the final hurdle the character must overcome to achieve something they’ve wanted for a long time. Therefore, it should be by far the most challenging barrier the protagonist has faced yet.
That’s why, as we’ll soon see, the author formatted the conflict of this scene not as a single conflict but as a series of mini-conflicts as our heroes make their way deeper into the Underworld (“Scenes that Contain Mini-Conflicts”).
Segment 74
This segment starts with our heroes outside the DOA Recording Studios building. They go inside, and Percy tells the security guard (Charon) that they want to go to the Underworld. But when Percy gives Charon some drachmas (the money of the gods), he realizes Percy is a godling and, therefore, is not permitted to enter the Underworld (mini-conflict A). But Percy butters Charon up and bribes him, and he lets our heroes through (mini-outcome A).
Note that this first conflict is overcome quite easily. This is fine—and even preferable. In scenes with multiple mini-conflicts, you want the first one to be the “mini-est” of them all and then have each subsequent mini-conflict be somewhat more daunting than the last.
Segment 75
In this transitional segment, our heroes take the elevator down. It turns into a wooden barge, and they find themselves travelling across the River Styx. They get to land, get off the barge, and follow the spirits up a well-worn path (progress toward the goal).
As I mentioned earlier, transitional segments present great opportunities to sprinkle in non-plot elements. Here, the author takes advantage of this twice. First, we get the following passage showing that Annabeth and Percy are becoming less of frenemies and more of friends (and foreshadowing that they will become more than friends in later installments):
Annabeth grabbed hold of my hand. Under normal circumstances, this would’ve embarrassed me, but I understood how she felt. She wanted reassurance that somebody else was alive on this boat.
Second, the next mini-conflict is set up:
A sound came from somewhere nearby in the green gloom, echoing off the stones—the howl of a large animal.
“Old Three-Face is hungry,” Charon said. His smile turned skeletal in the greenish light. “Bad luck for you, godlings.”
Segment 76
Our heroes walk through the Underworld. This transitional segment also functions as a worldbuilding segment, as Grover teaches Percy a few things about how the afterlife works.
Segment 77
As the heroes continue walking, they notice Cerberus (a three-headed dog) blocking their path up ahead. It can smell the living and will surely detect that our heroes aren’t dead and prevent them from entering the Underworld (mini-conflict B). Percy tries to tempt Cerberus with a big stick but fails. Then Annabeth tries to tempt it with a rubber ball and succeeds. They race past Cerberus into the Underworld (mini-outcome B).
This is followed by a small reminder of Annabeth’s subplot. When Percy asks her how she handled Cerberus so skillfully, she responds as follows:
“Obedience school,” she said breathlessly, and I was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes. “When I was little, at my dad’s house, we had a Doberman. . . .”
Segment 78
As our heroes travel through the Fields of Asphodel, Gover’s sneakers suddenly go on autopilot. They fly him away from Hades’s palace and into what is described as “some kind of side tunnel” (mini-conflict C). The side tunnel leads to the pit Percy has seen in his dreams. Grover kicks the shoes off his hooves just in time and is safe (mini-outcome C).
As they exit the tunnel, Percy remarks that whatever is in that pit is “unspeakably old and powerful.” This mini-reaction provides more setup for Book 2.
I should highlight here that scenes with multiple mini-conflicts are a good way to give secondary characters a chance to shine. In this scene, the author used mini-conflicts B and C to put a spotlight on Annabeth and Grover.
Segment 79
The heroes travel through Hades’s palace and meet him face to face. Percy asks Hades for Zeus’s master bolt, but Hades doesn’t have it; he thought Percy had it. Oddly, the bolt is now in the pack Ares had given to Percu. This is the story’s big plot twist, as Percy now understands it is Ares, not Hades, who is the lightning thief.
Because Hades still thinks Percy is the thief—not just of Zeus’s lightning bolt but also of Hades’s helm—he is extremely uncooperative and even threatens to “open the earth and have the dead pour back into the world” (main conflict).
It isn’t spelled out directly, but it is abundantly clear that Hades will not let Percy’s mom go (main outcome). However, he makes Percy a deal: Hades will set Percy’s mom free if Percy returns Hades’s helm. If Percy refuses, Hades will kill his mom—and this time, he’ll kill her for real (dilemma).
Percy doesn’t get much of a chance to explain his side of the story since Hades and his army attack, presenting an immediate threat. Percy uses the pearls from Segment 70 to free himself and his companions. They are taken up to the ocean in some kind of magic bubble, but before they’re removed from the Underworld, Percy vows to return Hades’s helm (decision).
Segment 80
As Percy reaches the surface, he sees that Los Angeles is in chaos. Then, Percy says, “I had to get to shore. I had to get Zeus’s thunderbolt back to Olympus (decision). Most of all, I had to have a serious conversation with the god who’d tricked me” (decision).
Percy made a few decisions in that last scene, so let’s organize them: Scene-level goal: Settle the score with Ares, get Hades’s helm from him, and return the helm to Hades so that Percy’s mom will be set free (note that the ultimate goal of freeing Percy’s mom hasn’t changed). Although this looks like a goal with multiple steps, it does not qualify because there aren’t multiple conflicts to overcome. By defeating Ares in battle (a single conflict), Percy accomplishes all parts of the goal with one outcome.
Side quest goal: Return the bolt to Zeus before the summer solstice. Even though Percy said earlier that he didn’t care about returning the bolt and stopping the war, he has changed his mind.
Scene 9 (Segment 81)
Ares is waiting on the beach when the heroes get there (they were picked up and dropped off by the Coast Guard). They have some words with Ares, during which he does the classic villain thing of revealing information about his scheme. He also reveals that he has Hades’s helm, as Percy suspected, thus solidifying the scene-level goal.
As they talk, Percy realizes that Ares isn’t the puppeteer in this whole thing, which provides some setup for Book 2:
“You didn’t order the theft,” I guessed. “Someone else sent a hero to steal the two items. Then, when Zeus sent you to hunt him down, you caught the thief. But you didn’t turn him over to Zeus. Something convinced you to let him go. You kept the items until another hero could come along and complete the delivery. That thing in the pit is ordering you around.”
Ares responds with:
“Let’s get back to the problem at hand, kid. You’re alive. I can’t have you taking that bolt to Olympus. You just might get those hardheaded idiots to listen to you. So I’ve got to kill you” (conflict).
Percy fights Ares for eight pages. Percy wins and collects Hades’s helm. Then, Hades’s Furies emerge. They saw the whole thing and now understand that Percy hadn’t stolen the helm after all. Percy gives the helm to the Furies to be returned to Hades (outcome).
The outcome isn’t quite finished because there is still the loose end involving the release of Percy’s mom. However, because this is taken care of off the page, the main conflict is now finished for all intents and purposes.
Because of this, we’re back to NPB segments for the rest of this book, except for the four-segment scene at the end, which kicks off the main plot of Book 2. In a standalone novel, one to two NPB segments are sufficient to wrap everything up. However, this book has a whopping eleven NPB segments after the main conflict has been resolved. This is for two reasons: (1) there are four subplots to tie up, and (2) Book 2 requires more setup.
Segments 82–86
This batch of NPB segments has Percy complete the side quest of returning Zeus’s bolt and resolves the Percy/Poseidon subplot.
Segment 82
Percy joins Annabeth and Grover. After a conversation that provides some more setup for Book 2, Percy takes his backpack from Grover; the bolt is still in there. Percy says they have to get back to New York (which is where the gateway to Olympus is) by that night (side quest dilemma). Even though it’s dangerous, they’re going to have to fly (side quest decision).
Segment 83
In this purely functional scene, the heroes get plane tickets and fly to New York. When they land, Annabeth and Grover return to Camp Half-Blood, while Percy goes to the gate to Olympus, which is the Empire State Building.
Segment 84
Percy walks into the lobby of the Empire State Building and tells the security guard he wants to go to the 600th floor (which is code for “Olympus”). There is an inconvenience when the security guard says, “No appointment, no audience, kiddo. Lord Zeus doesn’t see anyone unannounced.” But when Percy shows him the bolt, he gives Percy the security card for the elevator.
Segment 85
Percy exits the elevator on the 600th floor and walks along a road through the Greek city in the sky. He arrives at the palace and enters the throne room. Only Zeus and Poseidon are there. Percy tells Zeus everything that happened, then lays the bolt at his feet (side quest outcome).
Zeus feels Percy is telling the truth but is somewhat unwilling to believe that Ares was behind everything. Percy tells him about his dreams and how he thinks it’s the entity in the pit who’s been manipulating Ares (setup for Book 2).
Segment 86
Percy is left alone with Poseidon, who explains some backstory relevant to Book 2. Poseidon also says that Percy’s mom is still alive. Hades returned her to Earth once he received his helm (there’s that loose end from Scene 9 taken care of).
The solution to the Mom/Gabe subplot is then set up when Poseidon says, “When you return home, Percy. . .you will find a package waiting in your room. . . . You will understand when you see it.”
Then, as Percy goes to leave, Poseidon stops him and says, “You did well, Perseus. Do not misunderstand me. Whatever else you do, know that you are mine. You are a true son of the Sea God.” He also offers Percy an apology: “I am sorry you were born, child. I have brought you a hero’s fate, and a hero’s fate is never happy. It is never anything but tragic.”
The Percy/Poseidon subplot will be advanced further as the series goes on, but for now, this isn’t a bad way to provide the reader with a sense of partial closure for this subplot. Percy got the apology and acceptance he wanted from his father.
Segments 87–89
This trio of NBP segments resolves the Mom/Gabe subplot and Grover’s subplot.
Segment 87
Percy catches a cab to his mom’s apartment, where they reunite. Percy realizes that Gabe hits his mom sometimes. He sees the package with Medusa’s head on his bed and wonders if he should turn Gabe into a statue. But his mom says she’s got to deal with her problems on her own. Percy says he’s going back to Half-Blood Hill. Maybe for the summer. Maybe forever.
Segment 88
Some time later, back at Camp Half-Blood, Percy receives a letter from his mom saying she turned Gabe into a statue and sold it for enough money to make a deposit on an apartment and afford tuition at NYU (resolution to the Mom/Gabe subplot).
Segment 89
Grover says goodbye to Percy during the fireworks display on the Fourth of July. Since he succeeded in the quest with Percy and Annabeth, he has been granted the opportunity to go search for Pan, just like he always wanted, as mentioned in Segment 49 (resolution to Grover’s subplot).
Segments 90–92
Segment 90
The sole purpose of this short segment is to foreshadow the plot twist in Segment 94. Percy ponders the Oracle’s message. He’s still a little bothered by the “betrayed by a friend” bit and the “you will fail to save what matters most” bit. These didn’t come true during his quest.
Segment 91
This segment takes place during a meal on the last night of the camp’s summer session. In honour of Percy, this year’s commemoratory necklace bead is the symbol of Poseidon. He narrates,
I’m not sure I’d ever felt as happy or sad as I did at that moment. I’d finally found a family, people who cared about me and thought I’d done something right.
You might remember from the analysis of The Haunted Mask that the novel ended with an image that reflected back on Chapter 1 (Carly Beth likes her nose in Chapter 29, whereas she hated it in Chapter 1). Percy’s feeling of acceptance is the same kind of deal. It mirrors Segments 6–10, where Percy was struggling to feel normal and accept himself.
Segment 92
The next morning, Percy finds a form on his bedside table. If he intends to stay at camp year-round, he must return the form by noon that day.
Scene 1 of Book 2 (Segments 93–96)
When writing a series, you can go ahead and use the ending of the current book to provide the first scene of the next book like the author does here.
Segment 93
Percy goes to the arena for some sword practice to clear his head and decide whether to go home for the school year or stay at Camp Half-Blood. Luke is there and suggests that he and Percy go to the woods to look for something to fight for old times’ sake. Percy doesn’t want to, but he does want one of those Cokes that Luke offers him if he agrees (i.e., the goal is to get a Coke).
Segment 94
Once they’re in the woods, Luke summons a deadly scorpion and threatens to have it attack Percy (conflict, which creates the new goal of not getting killed by the scorpion; suddenly, the Coke no longer matters). Luke monologues, explaining his foiled plan for Percy to take the bolt to Tartarus, why he follows Kronos, and how he got Ares to go along with the plan. He also intends to burn down the Western world and start over to create something more honest. Then he disappears.
Percy slices the scorpion in half, but not before it stings him on the hand. Everything goes black.
Segment 95
Percy wakes up in the sick room of the Big House. Chiron had saved Percy with his healing magic (outcome). Annabeth is also there. Percy tells Annabeth and Chiron what happened with Luke and the Scorpion. He suspects the prophecy from the Oracle was about Kronos (reaction). The dilemma is expressed through dialogue as follows:
“We can’t just sit back and do nothing,” I said.
“We will not sit back,” Chiron promised. “But you must be careful. Kronos wants you to come unraveled. He wants your life disrupted, your thoughts clouded with fear and anger. Do not give him what he wants. Train patiently. Your time will come.”
“Assuming I live that long.”
Chiron put his hand on my ankle. “You’ll have to trust me, Percy. You will live. But first you must decide your path for the coming year. I cannot tell you the right choice. . . . But you must decide whether to stay at Camp Half-Blood year-round, or return to the mortal world for seventh grade and be a summer camper. Think on that. When I get back from Olympus, you must tell me your decision.”
Segment 96
After Chiron leaves, Annabeth says she’s going home for the school year; she sent her dad a letter, and they want to try again (resolution to Annabeth’s subplot). She also forms the initial call to action for Book 2:
When I get back next summer. . .we’ll hunt down Luke. We’ll ask for a quest, but if we don’t get approval, we’ll sneak off and do it anyway.”
Percy watches as Annabeth ascends Half-Blood Hill and meets her family on its crest. The book ends with the following passage:
For the first time at camp, I felt truly alone. I looked out at Long Island Sound and I remembered my father saying, The sea does not like to be restrained.
I made my decision.
I wondered, if Poseidon were watching, would he approve of my choice?
“I’ll be back next summer,” I promised him. “I’ll survive until then. After all, I am your son.” I asked Argus to take me down to cabin three, so I could pack my bags for home.
Closing Remarks
That was a lot to get through. Hopefully, this analysis has helped you see how you can organize scenes, pseudo-scenes, and strings of NPB segments to craft a cohesive, entertaining, and well-paced novel.
With this analysis finished, we’re now done with this series. If you want to learn more about plot structure, I recommend checking out my Editor's Guide to Save the Cat! Story Structure. This series goes beyond the scene and examines plot structure at the story level.
Thanks for reading!